How to start doing things solo: My thoughts on “solo travel”
I wanted to write something that I hope resonates with people who want to start taking a little more time for themselves, and to show you that sometimes the smallest steps are the most important ones.
Earlier this year, I had surgery which meant that I had to stay at home and recover for about 2 months. I am so grateful that I was able to take the time to rest properly with lots of support around me, but I feel like I simultaneously lost a little bit of confidence during that time, especially when it comes to going and doing things by myself.
Comfort zone
It takes so much courage to step out into the world on your own and do the things you love, especially as a woman or a member of the queer community. To realise that being alone is just as valid, and can definitely be more enjoyable than when accompanied by others. After a period of recovery, I wasn’t used to using this courage- essentially, my skill for doing things solo didn’t feel as sharp anymore. I think a lot of us actually felt this way after the pandemic and the experience of lockdown- about going out into the world and taking small steps to experience simple joys.
I am a certified homebody, and believer that there is nothing wrong with loving your cozy, safe time at home. But at the same time, I can’t do everything I love from my bedroom and for my mental health, I need to do these little things, like lay down on the grass in my garden and read a book, or go and drink matcha at a new cafe. As I am writing this, I am sitting on a colourful picnic blanket under the sun in my local park. I took this mini adventure alone to simply read my book and write for a while.
Be inspired – Read more of Finola’s solo travel and wellness articles here.
On the surface, this outing is just a walk to the park and a little sit down, but I wanted to write this to emphasise that this is actually a big win for anyone. In a world which feels safer when not alone, which rewards us for being paired up with people, makes us feel validated for having lots of friends or a partner, and which provides us with an unlimited amount of distractions from ourselves; it is an act of resistance to dominant narratives to simply exist alone every once in a while, without guilt, fear or shame. It isn’t selfish or weird to do things by yourself- it sometimes feels essential!
Being alone provides us the space our minds need to reconnect with ourselves and to understand what we really like. We need to make sure we are being safe, and it doesn’t have to be a crazy holiday or a fancy sit down dinner, but every now and then we have to make the effort, just for ourselves. I think I properly started enjoying adventures on my own when I was in uni- I would go to cafes or museums after my lectures just to decompress sometimes, actively choosing this time for me. It may seem normal for some people to go and do things alone, but for a lot of us, at the start it can feel completely alien and scary.
Start small
I think it is helpful to start by thinking about small things you always want to do- those things in the back of your mind that you always come back to but never seem to find the time for. This could be booking a yoga class, seeing a movie that just came out, or following a guided meditation at home for a relaxing evening. Maybe you could dedicate just one hour in the week to “solo time” ; doing an activity like this with no pressure, and you absolutely do not have to leave the house. When you plan things to do alone, it keeps you more accountable for doing them. Often we tend to skip out on time with ourselves because it’s not useful to anyone else, it’s not explicitly ‘productive’- but what if we did it simply because it makes us feel a little bit calmer, a little proud of ourselves?
Taking these small steps is so important because you teach yourself that you are capable of doing scary things. A while ago, I went to the cinema alone for the first time and I was initially so nervous. I was overthinking everything, wondering if it was weird to buy popcorn just for me, or if I would be the only one in the cinema alone. I ended up enjoying my experience so much, and the film I saw is now one of my new favourites- I would’ve missed out on all this if I hadn’t had the courage to just try it!
I think one of the most important things to remember with solo travel/ adventures is that there’s no right or wrong way to do it. If texting someone consistent updates on where you are/ what you are doing makes you feel comfortable and safe- do it! If you just want to take half an hour to watch an episode of that show you’ve been desperate to see- do it!
To make sure I have fun and feel safe, I like to go to places or events with likeminded people surrounding me. If we want to make solo travel a more welcoming and enjoyable space/ experience, we need to remove the pressure, the expectations and the definitions. It is simply about remembering that you are someone worthy of devoting your time to.
By Finola Stowe
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